


Never Break

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Bonus Day, Celestial Songs, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Isa Day, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Light Angst, Love, M/M, Musical Prompt Playlist, Saïx Day, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:40:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25134772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: He stops. His thoughts and dead in his tracks. He has to stop thinking like that. He’s here for a reason. At least, that’s what Lea keeps telling him. Just like he tells Isa to stop and take a deep breath when these thoughts surface. So that’s exactly what Isa does. He stops. He puts a hand to his chest. And he feels. He feels the beating of his heart. Faint as it is, it’s there. Somehow. Faint as it is, he wouldn’t give it up for the world. Never again.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Never Break

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Hello My Old Heart" by The Oh Hello's
> 
> July 7th ~ Bonus Isa/Saïx

_Hello, my old heart_

_How have you been?_

_Are you still there inside my chest?_

_I’ve been so worried_

_You’ve been so still_

_Barely beating at all…_

When he opens his eyes, it takes a moment for the colour to settle. At first, he still sees all white. Shades of grey. Once the colour does set in, though, his heart stops pounding. His breathing evens out. He’s not so panicked anymore. But as his heart slows, he can’t feel its prominence as much. And something about that is just as concerning.

As soon as he finds the strength—the energy and the motivation—he slips out of bed and prepares himself for the day ahead. New clothes. Old surroundings. It’s a lot. And it’s all so overwhelming. He’s not sure when he’ll get used to it. If he’ll ever get used to it. Life is so different now than it had been a decade ago. So much has changed. _He’s_ changed. In both good and bad ways. Although, he can’t see the good for himself.

He makes his way through the castle and down to the Lab. When he arrives, he sees that Ienzo and Even are already hard at work with their latest research. He wants to ask them about—Well—Except he doesn’t want to disrupt them. Disturb them. So, he stays put and stays quiet, simply observing them. Until, that is, he’s noticed.

“Good morning, Isa,” Ienzo greets him. “Is there something we can help you with?”

Isa shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. Please, continue with your work.” He turns to leave, also leaving his inquiry unsaid.

“Lea is in the Study,” Ienzo calls after him. “In case you were wondering.”

Isa stumbles a bit at the sound of that name, and he swears he can feel his heart skip a beat. His heart… He’s still getting used to saying that. To _feeling_ it. To waking up and not being surrounded by white walls. To not be wearing a black coat. To hearing—

“Isa?”

He shakes his head and glances over his shoulder at Ienzo. “My apologies.” He clears his throat. “Thank you.”

With that, he takes his leave before Ienzo can make any other queries. From there, Isa heads for the Study. Where Lea is. Lea. The only constant of his existence. The one person who’s always been there. Who’s been there since the beginning. Through the good and the bad. Lea. The person he let down and the person who lifted him back up. Tch. Isa still doesn’t understand why. Can’t comprehend why Lea has so much faith in him. Why he believes in him.

He stops. His thoughts and dead in his tracks. He has to stop thinking like that. He’s here for a reason. At least, that’s what Lea keeps telling him. Just like he tells Isa to stop and take a deep breath when these thoughts surface. So that’s exactly what Isa does. He stops. He puts a hand to his chest. And he _feels_. He feels the beating of his heart. Faint as it is, it’s there. Somehow. Faint as it is, he wouldn’t give it up for the world. Never again.

_Oh, don’t leave me here alone_

_Don’t tell me that we’ve grown_

_For having loved a little while_

_Oh, I don’t want to be alone_

_I want to find a home_

_And I wanna share it with you…_

When he arrives at the Study, he discovers that Lea is alone. Sitting at one of the tables, his back to the entrance, and reading. Isa halts in the doorway and observes him for a moment. He’s been doing a lot of this lately. Stopping and staring. There’s just so much to take in now. He doesn’t want to miss another moment.

Once he’s taken in enough of the redhead—except it’s never enough—he steps fully into the Study. “Good morning,” he greets him, walking around the table to take a seat across from him.

Lea smiles. “Morning. Sleep well?”

“No nightmares, so there’s that.” He pauses. “What are you reading?”

He looks down at the book in his hands. “I have no idea. I just picked it up off the shelf and flipped it open to a random page.” He shrugs his shoulders. “The middle is the best part of any book. Beginnings are slow and endings are—” He stops himself and lifts his gaze to Isa. “Bittersweet,” he then finishes.

Isa quirks an eyebrow. “That’s quite profound for a man with a catchphrase.”

Lea chuckles. “Yeah, well… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”

“I know what you mean.”

They fall quiet. Lea sifts through a couple more pages of the book in his hands, while Isa stares down at his hands folded together and resting atop the table. Since returning, his dynamic with Lea has been…off. There’s still so much they’ve yet to discuss and neither of them seems to know where to start. Isa sure as hell doesn’t.

“How are the kids?” he finally asks. Not only because the silence is stressing him out, but also because he genuinely wants to know. He’s built a bit of a rapport with the kids by now, but he understands that they’re still a bit wary of him. At least they all don’t hate each anymore. That’s the last thing any of them need.

“They’re doing good,” Lea says. “They love Twilight Town even more now than they did before.”

“That makes sense seeing as they’re able to be there just as kids and aren’t spending time there for some mission.”

Lea scratches the back of his bed. “Right. That’s…true.” He clears his throat. “You should come with me next time I go visit.”

Isa’s heart nearly jumps from his chest at the suggestion. The invitation. “I’m not sure that would be a very good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Well—”

“Y’know,” he starts, not even letting Isa finish his excuse, “the kids do ask about you, too. They don’t just pretend that you don’t exist.” He lets out a soft sight. “C’mon, if we wanna move past this, we all have to try. We have to give it our best. You can’t just avoid them because you think that’s what they want, and then act as if that’s your way of trying.”

The accusation hits Isa in the gut; he feels like he’s going to be sick. He knows Lea is right but confronting his feelings—his past—terrifies him. He understands that he’ll have to eventually, but he’s not ready yet. There’s still too much to digest and none of it has settled well with him so far. The sound of another sigh brings him back to the moment, and he looks over at Lea again.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” Lea goes on. “All I’m saying is that you should at least try to spend time with them. Let them get to know the real you. The Isa I know.”

He swallows hard. “That’s not who I am anymore…”

_Hello, my old heart_

_It’s been so long_

_Since I’ve given you away_

_And every day I add another stone_

_To the walls I built around you_

_To keep you safe…_

Isa’s voice had been so soft. Low. Nearly inaudible. If it hadn’t been for Lea’s reaction, he wouldn’t have even been sure he had heard him.

“Are you saying I don’t know you?” Lea asks.

“I don’t even know myself. So how could you possibly—?”

Lea jumps to his feet. “I’ve been there,” he says. “I’ve been _here_ through everything. The worst times and the best times. I’ve known every part of you. Every version of you. I’ve literally seen your darkest side. And you still don’t think I know you?” He scoffs, tossing the book aside. “I know you. Despite every wall and barrier that you’ve built, I still know you. And the sooner you realise you can’t hide forever, the better.” He turns to leave but stops himself. “Y’know, you don’t have to know exactly who you are to be happy. I mean, you can let yourself be happy right now and figure out the rest along the way. It’s not that difficult.” And he storms out.

Isa watches the seat Lea had previously been occupying. _You don’t have to know exactly who you are to be happy_. “Maybe it’s not that difficult for you,” Isa speaks to himself, his voice still low. “Your regrets are different from mine. Your mistakes weren’t as dire.” He takes a deep breath. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

He leaves the Study and heads back to his room. Where he can be alone. _Despite every wall and barrier_ —Isa scoffs. He’s better off. Even he’s unsure of what lies beyond those walls. And no one deserves to experience what could be on the other side. On the inside. Those walls aren’t just to protect him; they’re to protect others. Anyone who tries to get close. Including Lea. No… _especially_ Lea.

When he reaches his room, the redhead is sitting in front of the door. Isa can’t help the small smile when he sees him. He proceeds onward and takes a seat beside him.

“We spent the last decade fighting each other,” Lea speaks up. “I’m sick of fighting with you.”

“Me too,” Isa says.

Lea nods before leaning over and resting his head on Isa’s shoulder. As taken aback by this action as Isa is, he can’t help the growing smile. He swallows hard, resting his own head against the wall behind them. He closes his eyes, relishing in Lea’s company. In his _warmth_. If the opposite of fighting is this, then he wants nothing more than to never fight again. He wants this. The closeness. Hell, he even wants the feeling of his heart skipping a beat. So long as he feels _something_. Something that isn’t negative. Dark. Heavy. And this… Well, this feels…indescribable.

For the first time in over a decade, Isa doesn’t feel so empty.

_Oh, don’t leave me here alone_

_Don’t tell me that we’ve grown_

_For having loved a little while_

_Oh, I don’t want to be alone_

_I want to find a home_

_And I wanna share it with you…_

Night has fallen in Radiant Garden by the time Lea and Isa return to the castle. Of course, Lea can’t visit Twilight Town without staying long enough to watch the sunset. Not that Isa minds.

“Thank you for coming with me today,” Lea says. “It means a lot.”

“Well, you were right about not being able to avoid the kids forever.” Isa takes a deep breath. “Sooner or later, I have to actually try and build a real sort of relationship with them. We can’t subsist on just civility.”

Lea breaks into a small fit of laughter. “Man, you’re so serious. Lighten up a bit. The way you talk makes you seem so pompous sometimes.”

Isa rolls his eyes at him. “Just admit you don’t know what I said and move on.”

“Shut up, that’s not what I meant.”

He chuckles under his breath. “Either way—”

“Oh, and what was that about me being right, again?” Lea grins. “I think I need to hear that one more time.”

“Too bad you won’t get it out of me a second time.”

That’s when Lea starts whining and begging. _C’mon, please? Please, please, please_. Over and over and over. Isa wants to be annoyed and infuriated, except he only finds it amusing. Entertaining. He’s laughing at how childish the redhead can still be. That’s probably not necessarily a good thing, but what can they expect, really, from losing their hearts at such a young age? It only makes sense that they’d still have a lot of emotional maturing to do. Lea expresses that immaturity through being childish. Meanwhile, Isa expresses that immaturity through avoidance. Pushing others away and keeping to himself. Huh.

“ _Fine_ ,” Isa finally gives in. “You were right.”

Lea throws his hands up triumphantly. “You bet your ass I was. And I’m gonna get that admittance memorised.”

Another roll of the eyes. “You’re such a child.”

He grins again. “I can live with that.” He pauses, thinking, the grin slowly slipping away. “I think I’m gonna move to Twilight Town.”

Isa stops dead in his tracks and the world spins around him. “Oh.”

“I don’t know about you, but it’s hard living in the castle. Lots of bad memories, y’know? Plus, Roxas and Xion are in Twilight Town, so—”

“I’m here.” The words come out before Isa can fully process them. He’s not even sure if it matters where he is. He wants it to matter, but… “I’m sorry. That was selfish.”

“No, I—” He sighs, placing a hand on Isa’s shoulder. “I was hoping you might be willing to move with me.”

Move? With Lea? Out of Radiant Garden? Away from _home_? Not that he’s lived here for the last decade, but still… It was home before, so it’s still home now. Now that he’s finally back—recompleted—Isa can’t imagine living anywhere else. But he also can’t imagine living without Lea. Can’t imagine not seeing him every single day. Hmm…

Maybe that’s where they need to start.

_Hello, my old heart_

_How have you been?_

_How is it being locked away?_

_Well, don’t you worry_

_In there, you’re safe_

_And it’s true, you’ll never beat_

_But you’ll never break…_

Lea doesn’t make Isa give him an answer right away. He gives him a few days to mull it over and Isa gladly takes those days. He still can’t fathom the idea of moving. Of leaving Radiant Garden for good. Of course, that’s not the case. Not really. He knows it wouldn’t _actually_ be for good; they’d come back and visit. For one reason or another.

Isa replays Lea asking him to move with him in his head. Over and over. And each time he replays it, he imagines a multitude of scenarios. Imagines himself reacting in different ways. Good and bad. Most scenarios end up being the same, though.

Isa says no.

As much as it would destroy him to see Lea go…Isa isn’t sure he’s ready for that kind of commitment yet. He’s not sure he ready to leave Radiant Garden behind. Not when he only just returned to it. Hmm. He’s also not sure exactly how Lea will react to this answer. Isa _does_ know that Lea won’t necessarily get mad, just like he knows that Lea will, to an extent, understand where Isa is coming from.

He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling through the dark. He brings a hand up and places it upon his chest. _Thump… …thump… …thump… …thump…_ The beating of his heart is slow. Steady, but faint. Thinking about Lea causes it to speed up a bit, so he doesn’t let himself think about him. Doesn’t understand why his heart would have that sort of reaction. Hmm. Perhaps he’s just nervous about giving Lea his answer. Nervous about what it might do to their relationship. Not seeing each other every day, that is.

Then again, that may be for the best. They saw each other every single for over a decade, and by the end of that timeframe, they were constantly at each other’s throats. He doesn’t want it to come to that again. Isa wants to restore whatever’s left of their friendship as best he can. Even if that means sacrificing spending time with Lea. He’ll still spend time with him, just not every moment of every day. Yeah… That may be the best way to avoid getting hurt. After all, Lea can be overwhelming. For Isa, at least. Lea makes him feel so much so strongly, and Isa is never sure how to handle those emotions. Never knows how to process them. So maybe spending time away from Lea is exactly what he needs to help himself figure out why his emotions are so… _erratic_ when it comes to the redhead. Maybe some distance will help him see things more clearly. Feel things more clearly.

He can’t avoid his feelings forever. Hell, that’s exactly what he had fought so hard for during his time with the Organisation. He fought to regain his heart. So, he can’t waste it now. He can’t ignore it. Dismiss it. That wouldn’t be fair.

Isa takes a deep breath as he removes his hand from his chest, allowing it to slide down by his side. There’s only so much beating he can take before—Well—Hmm… Feeling his heart…there…in his chest… It gets uncomfortable after a while. Ironically enough.

He closes his eyes and tries to stop thinking. There’s too much swirling around inside his head. Jumbled thoughts. If he can even call them that. It’s a such a mess inside his head. A mess of…past insecurities and unspoken words and irreversible damage. He’s not sure how he’ll ever get better. If he’ll ever get better. Tch. And he thought regaining his heart would help, but he’s more confused now than ever before.

There are still so many unanswered questions. Unasked questions. And Isa is almost certain now that the only way he can find the remedies is on his own.

_Nothing lasts forever_

_Some things aren’t meant to be_

_But you’ll never find the answers_

_Till you set your old heart free_

_Till you set your old heart free…_

It’s late when Isa arrives outside Lea’s bedroom door, the but the door is wide open, and Lea is still wide awake. Packing what few belongings he has possession of. Isa remains outside the room, leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest. He watches Lea, his heart already pounding in his chest.

This conversation isn’t going to be easy.

“Knock, knock,” Isa finally speaks up. Lea looks over his shoulder and smiles at him, and Isa’s heart skips a beat. “Can we talk?”

“Of course.” Lea sits on his bed and gestures to the spot next to him. Isa lets himself into the room and takes the seat beside him. “What’s on your mind?”

He swallows hard. “I’m…not moving to Twilight Town with you.” There’s no point in beating around the bush. “I can’t.” Lea’s expression in unreadable, but his eyes give him away. They always have. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted me to go with you, but—”

“Why can’t you?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

Isa looks down at his hands, folded in his lap. “I know you’ve only been trying to help, but I don’t want to be dependent on you. I need to learn how to be my own person again on my own time.” He closes his eyes and reminisces of golden orbs. “For so long, I was controlled by the darkness. By Xemnas. All I knew was rage and hatred or…nothing at all. Emptiness. And now—”

“And now you have your heart back. Now you can experience any emotion you want.” There’s a slight crack in Lea’s voice. “Happiness and serenity and pride a-and—and love.”

Isa can’t help but smile at that last word. “I know. But I think I need to experience them on my own first. Find my own happiness and peace. Learn how to love myself.”

“You can do that and still move to Twilight Town with me.”

Now he finds himself chuckling. “Lea…” He lets out a soft sigh. “I know you want what’s best for me, but this is what I think would be best for me at this moment in time.”

Lea lets out a sigh of his own. “I guess I can’t argue with that.”

“This doesn’t mean we won’t see each other. I’ll still visit Twilight Town. And I hope you would still visit Radiant Garden.”

Lea grabs Isa’s hands at this. “Of course I would.”

There goes Isa’s heart again. Trying to beat right out of his chest. He keeps his breathing steady. “We’ve made it through worse.”

He chuckles almost anxiously. “Yeah, definitely can’t argue with that, either.”

They both lift their gazes, meeting somewhere in the middle. Lea is still grasping Isa’s hands and it’s getting more difficult for Isa to breathe. And the way Lea is looking at him isn’t helping. It isn’t making it any better. Isa’s heart is in his throat, but he wouldn’t give up this feeling for anything.

Except—

_Hello my old heart_

_Hello my old heart…_

The sound of someone clearing their throat snaps both Isa and Lea out of the moment. Lea jumps to his feet, but Isa is still sitting on the bed, staring at his now empty and cold hands. He’s so distracted, he almost doesn’t even register his name being spoken.

“ _Isa_?” Lea’s voice finally breaks through his disassociation.

Isa looks up at the redhead before looking towards the open door. Roxas and Xion were the ones to interrupt them. Isa hadn’t even been aware of the fact that they were here in Radiant Garden. At the castle.

“You’re not moving to Twilight Town?” Xion asks, breaking the silence.

Isa clears his throat, now moving onto his feet, as well. “Not at this time, no.”

Roxas leans against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest and a small smirk spread across his face. “What a shame.” Xion’s eyes widen and she elbows Roxas in the side, but he only laughs in response. “It’s called a joke. Relax.”

Now Xion’s rolling her eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not as funny as you think?”

_Hello my old heart_

_Hello my old heart_

_Hello my old heart_

_Hello my old heart_

Lea starts laughing at this and Isa starts _drowning_ in the sound. He’s drowning, but he doesn’t want to resurface. And it’s emotions like this that Isa needs to figure out on his own. What about Lea makes him so okay with the feeling of…drowning? Or what could be so wrong with him that he’s okay with feeling this way?

“Well, we’ll still see you around Twilight Town, right?” Xion goes on, breaking him out of his thoughts again.

“Yes, I won’t just disappear,” Isa says. He tries to add a light tone to his voice, but he’s not sure it comes across. He’s also not sure why he uses that particular word. _Disappear_. Perhaps because that’s one of his greatest fears. Disappearing. Fading. “I’ll be sure to visit when I can.”

“I’ll make sure of it,” Lea says.

Lea gets rid of Roxas and Xion soon after. Once they are finally gone, Isa sits back down on the bed and Lea joins him. They’re quiet for a long moment.

“I didn’t mean to make you think I was…mad or anything,” Lea speaks up. “I’m not mad at you.”

“I know,” Isa says.

“I just…” Lea reaches for Isa’s hands again, except there’re more hesitance in his action this time around. “I don’t want you to be alone. And I don’t want you to think that I’m abandoning you or something.”

“I won’t be alone.” He covers Lea’s hand with his own. “And I don’t think that. I know you’re not abandoning me. Besides, I think you’re meant to be in Twilight Town.”

“You’re meant to be there with me, though.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “With—With all of us.”

Isa smiles as his heart skips a beat. Again. “Give me some time. I’ll follow you there one day. Just not today.”

Lea grins softly. “What about tomorrow?”

He chuckles. “You’re ridiculous.”

He returns the small chuckle. “Worth a shot.”

From there, Isa and Lea bid each other goodnight. Isa returns to his own bedroom. Once he closes the door, he leans against it with a soft sigh. He puts a hand to his chest to feel the beating of his heart. The steady beating. The calm. The serenity. _Now you can experience any emotion you want_. He smiles softly. Any emotion. Every emotion.

As overwhelming as it all seems, Isa thinks he’s finally ready for it. He’s ready to let go of the past. To move on to the future. A future he once believed to have long been lost to the darkness. Now there’s only light, though. A light heartbeat. Faint. But a heartbeat, nonetheless.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow the even on twitter and tumblr using #CelestialSongs
> 
> Twitter: @/LadySage08  
> Tumblr: the-clock-strikes-twilight
> 
> Rating M overall just to be on the safe side. I'll be sure to update the tags as I go along <3


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